For Max
by Star24
Summary: Zack's thoughts at the end of AJBAC. For those Zack lover's out there who were devastated by the ending.


I'm not a rich society boy who's skated through life playing at being some heroic crusader

Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't profit from them, just like to play with them

A/N: I'm a Max/Logan shipper through and through but Zack completely impressed me in AJBAC. He truly loved Max and made the ultimate sacrifice for her. Thus this is my tribute to Zack and his pain and love for Max. For all you Zack lovers, I hope this makes you feel a little bit better.

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I'm not a rich society boy who's skated through life playing at being some heroic crusader. I've never had the advantages of some fancy prep school followed by an equally fancy college. I never learned about wines or gourmet cuisine.

I'm a soldier. I grew up in an environment of discipline and duty and fear and pain.I may not know fancy wines or how to dress for some society party but I know about loyalty and trust and being there for my comrades. Being there for my brothers and sisters. I know strategy and combat. I can take out a contingent of normal soldiers without breaking a sweat but I don't know music or poetry or literature.

I didn't really dislike the military life. Truth be told I liked it. I felt comfortable with it, I felt like I belonged, like I knew my place and my purpose. So why did I lead the escape? Because I was the leader and I had a responsibility to my troops. There was something rotten in the upper command levels. They were destroying my team, killing them for no good reason. The purpose had changed. That's why I took them away. 

I couldn't watch another one of my men being taken for their useless experiments. I couldn't watch…Max being taken away. From the time I first saw Max she was special to me. There was something about her. Something in those big brown eyes of hers looking up at me. She was the first one to make me feel like a big brother, not just a soldier. She was the one who made me aware of the others as my brothers and sisters.

And she was the one who I had to get out of there. Her seizures were getting worse and I knew she was going to be taken away. I couldn't stand the thought of that so I mobilized my troops and took them out.

For years I watched Max from a distance making sure she was okay. I never let her know though. I contacted the others, gave them a way to reach me and wouldn't see them for months, even years. Max I saw every couple of months even though she never knew it.I finally contacted her when I realized the danger she had put herself in with her quest to find the others. Lydecker was alerted and it was only a matter of time before he found her. That was why I killed Vogelsang and came to take her away from Seattle.

But I left it too late. She had met him. I knew the first time I saw them together. He was in love with Max and she was in love with him. She didn't know it, wouldn't admit it to herself and he wasn't any better. But I knew. Knew because I was in love with Max myself. She wasn't just a sister to me. She was the woman I loved, had always loved and would always love. He knew that about me just as I knew he loved Max. Guess it's a male thing, a sense of another male interested in your female. 

I tried not to feel glad he was in that wheelchair but I did. It was the one thing that kept him from letting her know how he felt, that kept alive my chances with her. When I came back that time from Manticore and saw him on his feet I wanted to smash something. I knew that it was only a matter of time before he let Max know his feelings and she would be lost to me forever. When he ended up back in the chair I was glad.

But it didn't matter. I saw that when we rescued Tinga's husband and son. Max was too far gone. I saw the looks they exchanged. It was then that I finally admitted to myself that Max would never be mine. To her I would always be her big brother never her lover. It hurt, so I left again. I made sure she was safe during the exchange for Tinga and then I left.

I threw myself into finding Tinga and getting her out. I was determined not to lose another one of my siblings to Manticore. I blame myself for Brin, for not getting her out before they could do whatever it was they did to her. And I found Tinga. I needed Max to rescue her and I knew I could count on her. Max knows about loyalty too.

I tried her place first but a quick recon showed she wasn't there. That meant she was at his place. It was the last place I wanted to go to get her but I needed to act. And then I walked in on the last thing I wanted to see. I should have let them know I was there sooner but I was frozen. I saw him reach out and kiss her then draw back. That was bad enough but seeing Max pull him back to her and kiss him passionately was like a knife in my chest. It made it real and I wanted to turn and leave but I didn't. Don't think about it Zack, don't feel the pain, be the soldier, be the leader. The mission is to rescue Tinga. Forget the emotions, the weakness; concentrate on the task at hand. 

I did and Max came through and he even helped. I know he hates me because he sees me as a threat to take Max away from him (and he's right) but he did it for Max and for Tinga. He's a decent guy in his own way. Idealistic and sentimental but there's more steel there than I thought at first. He knows what we are and he hasn't let it turn him away from Max. I believe now that I can trust him to protect Max in any way he could, even to dying for her. That's important because I'm not going to be around to do it anymore.

Lydecker didn't know about the X7's. The assault on Manticore was picture perfect and we would have been out of there, no casualties if it wasn't for them Ironic, our clones, mine and Max's and Tinga's and Krit's etc, were our undoing. Because of them Max is dying and the bitch over there is telling them to take her organs. I'll see her in hell first.

I break my bonds and snap the neck of the nearest guard before they know what's happened. I have the bitch and they won't move against me now. 

"Save her." I tell them. Her heart's too badly damaged they say. "So transplant her."

I know they have organ banks with cloned organs in stock. Never know when you'll need a spare part for one of your perfect soldiers. They tell me there are no hearts. 

"I've got a donor for you then." I'll kill the bitch without a second thought if it will save Max but she points out that her heart will do no good. It has to be an X5 heart. At that moment I know what I am going to do. I didn't spend all these years keeping Max safe only to see her die like this. I throw the bitch from me and kneel next to Max.

"Fight them Maxie." I whisper to her. Standing I look at all of them as they stare at me in shock. I think the bitch knows what I am going to do but she doesn't try to stop me.

"X5 - 599 has a heart for you." I say. 'I love you Maxie,' I think to myself as I put the gun to my head and pull the trigger. 


End file.
